Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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