Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We left the knife in your bed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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