She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
