I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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