Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
