If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
