the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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