I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
