Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
