Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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