Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
