everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
