why didn't you poke me back
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
