I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
