you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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