god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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