I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
