i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
