im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
