I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
