You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
