I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
