He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
