i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
