Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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