Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
