Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
