so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
