I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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