First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You are the jesus of drinking
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
