She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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