forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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