he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
