well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
