I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
