garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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