peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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