one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
