Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
