I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
