I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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