just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
