i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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