I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
