did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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