is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your penis caused this!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
