matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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