but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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