I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
