She announced her abortion via fbk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
