Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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