dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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