umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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