just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We smell like vodka and hangover
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