the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
